The Tedious Things

It happens just when you are about to fall asleep, you hear a slight buzz in one ear. I'm thinking....

'It's Fall there aren't any mosquitoes.' But then I hear it again.

I jump up this time, madly searching for the culprit.

'There it is!' I shout out loud to myself, as I see it's slight body tapping against the corner of the room.

I stretch to reach it. 'Damn I'm not tall enough,' I whisper, still stretching my short arms in the air.

The chase ensues for about an hour.

Sneaky little bugger.

But at last I capture it's body in an old t-shirt. Problem solved.

After finally falling asleep I wake up to the sunlight coming through my window. I'm in a pleasant mood and I hum to myself as I take a hot shower.

As I put my favorite sexy bra on I notice that one boob is hanging lower than the other. I realize the boob is not doing so well because I lost an under wire in the right cup. I'm stubborn and unbelievably cheap, so I refuse to toss it out. I come to terms with having a lower right boob. No one will notice. Or I guess just the guy at Blockbuster, who is always taking numerous darting boob glances. He will notice since he's done numerous inspections.

'Oh well. Life goes on.' I say to myself again.

Still in a slightly fabulous mood, I apply my new concealer only to realize that 'fair' is not fair enough. So I decide to take on the task of going back to Wal-Mart, one of my favorite places, and get a different color. This time I will get translucent. Apparently I have no skin pigmentation.

As I go to get in my car, I glance in horror as my eyes freeze upon the front of my car.

I curse and scream. 'Where the Hell is the front of my car! '

I had completely forgotten that a large piece of Sh